I have been married 14 years. We are both 35. 3 kids, 7, 3 and 6m. First half of marriage was fine. We traveled, had 'our' time before kids. Since having kids though things keep getting worse. He struggles with depression, never told me about it until our oldest was about 4 or 5. Even then he didnt tell me the severity of it until about a year ago. He said hes has suicidal thoughts multiple times a day. He has tried medication, but doesnt continue treatment. He either says he doesnt want medication to be 'normal' - or after hes been taking it for a few months he feels 'better' and says he doesnt need it anymore, therefore stops taking it and falls back into his anger & verbal abuse to me and the kids. He has no patience with the kids. I try to tell him they are little and they just need parenting - they arent bad kids. I try to talk to him, asking him if he's upset when he's slamming things around the house or not speaking to anyone. He gets mad that I always ask whats wrong. He has lost 3 jobs in the last 6 years - not due to downsizing. He has been the accountant and has been replaced. I recently started my own home business that is taking off successfully, and he works at home doing the production part of the business. He was the one who wanted to work at home with me and not find another job. He also went to school to change careers - because he said he hated the field he was in. He is always negative. My entire family always asks "whats wrong with him?' I have tried so hard to do what I can to let him have what he needs and to fight to keep us together- because I know he struggles with depression & anger. But I feel like I dont get any return. Hes always complaing that the kids have too much this or that, that he never had anything as a kid. He always want 'his' time alone or to go golf or have time with his buddies. We never go out as a couple. He says that is my fault. That I never arrange for a babysitter. Yet he never makes an effort either. He says that everything is and always has been about me and what I have wanted. The other night our 3yr old was up crying (which happens often due to growing pains - which he barks at him and tells him to just go back to sleep) and he told me to go the F away. I have told him I cannot live like this and I dont want our children growing up like this. I dont want them afraid of what dad is going to say. I want them to feel loved and appreciated. I want that too but my main priority is my children. I have left one night with them because his temper got the best of him and he scared my daughter. It scared him and he said he would never do it again, which he hasnt. I just dont know whatt to do - or if there is anything I can do anymore. I dont want to divorce, but I dont want to live a lie. I want my kids to see love, so that they choose a loving relationship when they become adults.