I have a friend that I have known for 15 years and recently she shared a secret with me that she asked me not to tell anyone else and asked me not to judge her.
She told me she had become involved in a lesbian affair. Naturally I was shocked, my friend has been married for 18 years and has three kids. Yes I knew they had marital problems for years and that he is a serial cheater and that she was not sexually satisfied since before she even married him and had only married him because she got pregnant. She had told me when she met this woman, she was a client who had came into her salon for a massage. She said she had felt uncomfortable with this woman because the woman was a lesbian and that she had told her husband about the woman and had called him to the salon when the woman had came in for her next appt to show this woman she was married and unavailable.
I asked her if the woman had came on to her and she said no, that she was probably just homophobic and that the woman had become a good client, tipped really well and even helped her clean the salon and close up after hours. She started hanging out with this woman like she would with any other girlfriend, or rather that was the story she told me.
She told me that her husband had put a tracking device on her car and had tracked her car to the woman’s home. She was just getting back from dinner with the woman and had left her car over the woman’s because they rode in the woman’s car together.
Her husband dragged her from the woman’s car by the hair called her a lying bitch, dike and a whore. She said she had lied to him about where she was and who she was with because she knew he was insecure about their friendship because his brother’s wife had left him for another woman. All this summer he had her on lock down she could only go to the salon and home. He checked her email and phone and constantly accused her of being unfaithful.
So naturally from her version of the story I thought her husband was way out of line and I told her that she was in an abusive relationship and that she needed to separate from him. I told her that it was possible for a lesbian and a straight woman to be friends and that I had several lesbian friends when I was in college and that once it was understood that I was straight and nothing was ever going to happen we were just like my other girlfriends.
Then I find out she had left out the part about her husband choking the truth out of her about her relationship with the woman and that she was drawn to this woman from the beginning and can‘t stay away from her and has been having sex with her in the salon after hours. She says this woman is everything her husband is not, i.e. kind, gentle, considerate and fulfills her sexual needs.
My problem is… I’m totally disgusted by the whole thing and can hardly look at her any more, let lone talk to her. She went into detail about their affair and it made me sick. I know I told her I would not judge her, but she lied to me and is committing adultery. I have been ignoring her calls and text messages because I am sooo pissed with her. If she had been honest with me I never would have encouraged her relationship with that woman, plus she is acting like I am partially responsible because I told her she was a grown woman and capable of deciding who she could or could not be friends with. To me friends is not the same as lovers and if she had told me she was attracted to this woman I would have told her to stay clear of this woman. She text me saying…I never thought you would be so judgmental and closed minded and says she is hurt and that I have abandoned her when she needs me most. But I just don’t know how I can support a person who lies to me and tries to blames me for their adultery.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read it.