People confuse me. I don't think I will ever understand them. When my parents abused me, I simply stopped investing my emotions in them. When I was old enough I walked away without looking back. I never missed them. I figured they were toxic. I stay away from toxic people. I am happy and my life is fairly drama-free. To me this all seems simple.
Now I am married to a man with 5 living sisters. His entire family is wacko. You already know about the nasty sister who wrote the letter. She is mentally unbalanced. Not only has she written the nasty letter to us, but she has written a nasty letter to her oldest daughter and the oldest daughter's husband. She has written a nasty letter to the oldest daughter's children (who are minors). She just wrote a nasty letter to her son on the eve of his wedding.. She sent her youngest daughter who is an adult to live with the oldest daughter in an attempt to gain information which would allow her to remove the boy from his mother's care. She is doing this because she wants control of her grandson. She admits she doesn't care about any of her other grandchildren. The kids' mother is a wonderful mom and their grand parents are nut jobs but they actually went to court in an attempt to steal the kids. The judge dismissed the case.
The oldest daughter is married to a very practical man. He has told her that her family is unhealthy and he doesn't want them around the kids. He doesn't want them around him either, and in point of fact he has had to call the police to have them removed from his home when her parents threatened his safety.
The oldest daughter doesn't speak to her parents and until recently didn't speak to her younger sister either after she pulled the spying act. Last year the oldest daughter approached us and said she wanted to start a relationship with us. We were open to that but we told her that we didn't want any dealings with her parents or her sister and we felt uncomfortable being drawn into her family dynamics. She assured us that she was not going to put us in an uncomfortable situation and that she had no dealings with her parents or her sister and planned to continue maintaining a silent distance.
Over the past year we have grown close. They have slept over our house. We have taken them on tours around our city. We have been to see her son's football game, we went to her brother's wedding (his/her parents refused to go for more of their mentally unbalanced reasons), we have tried to be a good aunt and uncle. She, her husband, her children tell us all the time how much they love us. We tell them the same.
It seems like this should be a healthy relationship. So, I am completely blindsided when she tells me today that she has decided to renew relations with the spying sister. I have spent all morning removing every comment from my facebook page that will show up on her facebook page since I don't want her sister or her parents to know anything about me. I'm sure her husband isn't going to be delighted with this news either as he has told her repeatedly that he doesn't want to be further attacked by her family and he feels it puts their marriage at risk.
So, knowing that she is putting herself in jeopardy of losing healthy,supportive, loving relationships by choosing to associate with sneaky, selfish, abusive people.... why would she do this? We are about to get very busy with our business, and it is a shame, but that is going to be a natural break in our future association with this niece. We will be cordial but unavailable for the future.
Can anyone explain to me why she would want to renew relations with people who have treated her really really badly?