I really need to vent in here since my friends and family would yell at me and judge. Any opinions however, are most welcome by me, and some advice would be lovely.
My boyfriend of 8 years is currently unemployed. He lives with 2 other " starving artists" as I call them, and they are all broke as a joke. I have payed for my boyfriend's phone bill for the last 4 or 5 months and have shelled out money for him so that he can eat. He is 7 years older than me and I am in my late 20s and work at a medical clinic as a medical assistant. I am no millionaire and I am trying to save my hard earned money so that I can move to another city. I recently had 2 jobs, but had to quit one since I never had time for myself and I had a leg injury and could not stand for so long. My man also has a 19 year old daughter from a previous relationship years and years back, and even she was asking me for money since he was not giving her a dime for a certain time period. When my boyfriend and I lived together a few years back, he was unemployed back then as well, and I always payed for 90% of the rent and the groceries. It held me back so much financially, I had to move in back with my Mom temporarily. It was terrible.
Today I snapped. He called me today to ask me to deposit some money into his bank account and I hung up on him and felt so much rage. I called him back and said that I would leave him if he did not change his ways by December. He said that I am cheap with money, called me a b**ch and that I don't care about his state of being. He also said that he is so desperate for a job, that he is going to MEXICO to see a friend of his that might be able to get him into media.
Help me- am I being a bad girlfriend to him? I do care about him and don't want him to starve, but I just want a MAN! I work so hard and am a very good and warm hearted woman. I feel like most of our relationship, I am the hard worker who has a great work ethic who will work till my fingers bleed. I have always been like that. I have even had jobs in the last 5 years that I despise but kept at it just so I could keep my head above water. He only looks for jobs in media, or to act. When he does have a job, he is not cheap with me with his money,so that makes me feel bad. I just feel like I am the only responsible one. Why do I get angry and jealous when I see a man pay for his woman's shopping spree or expensive dinner? I grew up lower middle class or upper low class, so I dream and fantasize about a man treating me sometimes. But I will never be with someone just for money, I have too many morals.
I fantasize about taking a beautiful vacation one day....or to treat myself to a really nice shopping spree or at a spa retreat.........
He also blamed me for hiding him from my family. I don't bring him to family occasions because he embarrasses me a lot. He asks shocking questions to people just to get reactions from them, or starts going on religion bashing rants and my family is very religious ( I am not). However, its so stressful. I love him and he is a very sweet and passionate person, but lately I don't LIKE him and I am feeling like his Mother instead of his woman.
If anyone has advice or has been here before, it would be very helpful to me. Why am I feeling so much rage? Why do I feel so betrayed? Why do I feel like I am 30 years older than my real age?