I have been on this journey for such a long time, with more and less success. Now that the board is a little more active, I will try the journal thing again in hopes of getting myself back on track. My weight is creeping up...back to 180, which I know doesn't seem much twosome people, but in the scheme of things is 20 pounds up from my low a few years ago...I want to stop this now. I am not sure the underlying g cause...well, I know it inmy eating, but why am I eating this way? I am happy...the happiest I remember being in a long time...maybe ever...so why am I using food for reasons that don't go with hunger? How have I lost track of my food rules? Again, not sure....I eat ok on Mon - Friday u til after dinner, then all bets are off...same on weekends. Buy chips, candy, make and eZt cookies. Let's face it...I live alone...if I buy something, it's because I am going to eat it...I know this...but I still do it. Yesterday, I went out for breakfast - a fried egg, two pieces of bacon, toast with butter, some hash browns...not a good as 80 calorie yogurt or 200 calorie oatmeal, but a planned choice. I had my hair cut, wn't to the gym for Zumba...had a protein bar. Sat at the pool...I planned to leave at 2:00,but I fella sleep, so was there until 2:30. I wanted To get my Nails done, so I wn't to the salon..stopping for a raspberrie smoothie...they were very busy but I am a regular and they sort of snuck me in...but the person I got was slow...really slow, and when they aren't busy, they do hands and feet together, and this was a split job...iwas so late, and it was us humid, that my nails didn't dry well, and within a half hour, I smudged them...I was later getting the bus than I wanted, so I missed the bus I wanted but had to wait for the next one. I decid my best bet was to go toMcDonald's, which I do not Ben really like...quarter pounder and fries...and water...still not totally horrendous..but then I went and bought candy..not one but two...junior mints and bit o honey...really? This was necessary? Why? Because my nails were smudged? Because I was late? Because I had to go to a memorial service today when my plans were to watch football? What. When I got o the Cape, where there is minimal food, I made popcorn...air popped but I melted butter....later, I had a fruit bar...why? Today, I walked to the store (about 30 minutes, and did 20 minutes of exercise videos. But after the service, there was a reception, and I had wine...I was not close at all to he person who died, this wasa family obligation...I hope that br writing about what I am thinking I can find some measure of control...or I will be in a mess...