I'm not quite sure where to start, as my situation is long and convoluted, but I'll give a little background then get into my current situation. I live in a small neighborhood, it's a country club with about 500 homes. My husband and I both grew up here and both of our families (my parents, his dad, and my aunts) still live in the same community. Having grown up here, DH and I know just about everyone. My DH is really involved in the neighborhood association, and even though I work full time, I'm really involved in my DD's (she's 4) school.
Well, there's one mom out here, who hates me. I have no idea why, literally, no idea. We met last year when her son and my daughter were in the same preschool class, and my husband's best friend and his wife moved in next door to this family. From day one it's been like something out of a bad movie, when other people are around she's chipper and smiley and acts like the nicest person. When it's just the two of us, she either says weird rude passive aggressive things, "oh, I'm so glad I don't have to travel as much as you do, I love my kids way too much to ever spend that much time away from them" - for the record, I do travel about 30% of the time, but I love my job because even though it requires a lot of time on the road, the 70% of the time I'm in town it's incredibly flexible. Or, if she's not being rude, she completely ignores me, and I'm not talking about pretend I don't see you ignoring, I'm talking about full on stare you in the eyes and walk by silently ignore. I've never had more than a very surface level "How are your kids" "how's work?" "Oh, I like the geraniums you planted" conversation with this woman, so I have NO idea what started this.
Frankly, I've never made a big deal about it because one, it would feel like she was winning her weird game to acknowledge her behavior, and two, because she's always so friendly when people are looking (I'm telling you, it's sociopathic), I don't want to start some my-word-versus-hers feud.
The problem lately though, is this crazy immature woman has become more outright lately in her vindictiveness. I honestly think she's mad because my daughter has made a lot of friends in school (the preschool class is about 2:1 girls) and her son not so much, so there are lots of sleepovers and mommy-daughter outings that she's not invited to, I don't organize them, the stay at home moms tend to, but we're always invited. Anyhow, now she's gotten to be crazier... There's a youth soccer league in our neighborhood, and my husband volunteered to be one of the coaches this year (he coached last year too with his best friend's wife) we anticipated asking his best friend's wife to help again, but found out she was helping this woman's team. No big deal until we had them over for dinner and best friend's wife pulls me aside to ask if we're okay. She proceeds to tell me that crazy neighbor lady has told her that DH and I had told said we didn't want BF's wife's help this year, going so far as to say it was probably because I had a problem. Neither DH or I ever said that, or anything remotely like it. Also, and I know this is going to sound petty, and I honestly don't care because I'm truly only interested in the kids having fun, but I wasn't shocked to get out there at the first round of games and see that while our team had mostly 3 year olds and a couple of 2 year olds, DD being the only 4 year old, her team had all 4 year olds and "shockingly" all of the kids who'd enrolled from DD's preschool. Anyone who knows kids knows there's a big difference between 2-3 and 4 year olds. Like I said, it's kids soccer, and I love all the cute littles on my team, but she's the kind of woman who would do something like that on purpose.
Okay, I understand that this was mostly a rant, but there's of course been other incidents that I didn't mention, and I'm kind of getting to my limit with this woman. Because everything she does is so sneaky, no one else seems to notice, and even if they do, it's always my word versus hers. How do I handle this? They don't have any intentions of moving, and neither do we. Our kids are the same age, and we live in a small, close-knit community. How do I tolerate her for the next 14 years until our kids go to college? She gets worse every month that passes! I don't know how much more of this I can handle!