I know I am not around much but things have been so crazy that I don't even have time to think let alone do something I like or need to do for me. Between my husband's psoriatic arthritis and gout he can not walk anymore. Also, my mother is so narcissistic and borderline personality that I have had to completely cut myself off from her and my family. I am posting here because I really have no one else out there.
My husband is in constant extreme pain. The rheumatologist FINALLY moved him onto an injectable med Enbrel. It took me 2 weeks of fighting and following up to get this medication authorized by the insurance and then shipped by the specialty pharmacy (and I work for the insurance company and know how to navigate the mess!) If I was not in the picture he would still be sitting here with no medication, it is just crazy. He is miserable and depressed because he is in constant pain. I have to do everything for him. I cook, clean, run all the errands, take care of the dog, work 10 plus hours a day with an hour commute each way and on top of that take care of him.
During the mess above I received an email from my mother demanding information about what our decision was in regards to fertility treatments. We have been on hold for about 6-7 months with no end in site due to my husband's feet and some mental health issues of my own (all due to my mother). She said she needs to know if I am going to give her any more grandchildren (she has 2 from my older sister) because they are the only things that have ever brought her any joy in her life. So I emailed her back and CCed my older sister (because she never believes what I say about how my mother treats me) and tell her it is none of her business and if that is the only joy she has ever had then she needs help. So I guess her 3 children never brought her any joy. Next, she proceeded to email me back and CCed everyone we know and said some really crude things back to me about me and also about the only reason my husband is with me (sexual in nature). She also said once he smartens up he will leave me.
I had a 3 page letter that I wrote with my therapist a while ago and after much debate with my therapist, I went to her house, picked up some of my belongings I had stored there (I had to leave all my fall, Halloween and Christmas decorations due to space limits in the care which really sucks) and I left the letter for her. It was a letter confronting her about my childhood and the fact that part of the reason I am infertile (the 4 miscarriages I had) is because of her and her husband's (my stepfather) actions. Well, she drove 45 minutes and dropped off the most hurtful letter I have ever seen to my apartment while I was at work. She basically told me how much I deserve what I got as a child and that I asked for it all. She also talked about how her 3 children ruined her life.
She hates me and it hurts. It is all way too overwhelming, I feel like I am at the end of my rope ready to lose a grip. We now have absolutely no family. My sisters do not bother with me because they follow my mother and what she says, I have never met any of my husband's family because they are far away and do not bother with us. We have no one left. I have a few close friends and that is it. So this means our holidays this year will be nothing. We will sit home and watch TV.
Sorry this is so long and depressing, everything has just come to ahead and I am soooo overwhelmed and sad that my therapist has me calling her everyday to check in even if I just leave her a message.
If you got to this point (or even if you did not) thanks for listening.