I am 32 and was sexually abused from the ages of 12 and 15. I really thought I had moved past it. I am happily married and have a great job as a teacher. I am not depressed or have a substance abuse problem. Quite honestly I think I have turned out quite normal. I do have to admit thought that I tend not to trust people. Which is what started the incident that happened that is causing me to write this post.
On Saturday, we were with some friends that own a shop. In passing he mentioned that his employee (his only employee, its a small shop) was a sex offender. I mention that because when I go to his shop to hang out when it is slow it is impossible to not see and talk to his employee. The employee told him that when he was 19 he was dating a girl that was 16 and even though her parents approved of the relationship someone else turned him in. His point was that after something that doesn't seem so bad (since they were so close to the same age) it was ridiculous that he still had to go see a probation officer. I got to wondering if that is the whole story why does he still have to go to a probation officer years later.
On Sunday, I decided to look him up. I found his registry and the court case. It turns out he was 21 and I believe from what I read and what he was convicted of, she was at the oldest 14. He served 5 years in prison and got probation for 12 years. The incidents happened in 2000 and 2001 and he was convicted in 2002.
I told and showed my husband what I found. He called our friend and told him. Our friend basically said he still more or less believed his employee and that the age discrepancy didn't seem to be a big deal to him since most of his original story was basically true and since it happened 10 years ago. My husband said that was fine and he understood but just thought he should know the entire story, and that because of my past I wasn't sure if I wanted to hang out at the shop for awhile. I'm just not comfortable spending time with someone who served prison time for sexually assaulting a child. Then our friend said "I was sexually abused when I was a kid but I've moved on. If she still isn't over it and doesn't want to come to the shop that is fine." My husband defended me but I think he kind of agrees with him.
I thought I was over it. But now I don't know. Truthfully I really confused. Does it bother me because I was molested? Why does it not bother anyone else that he raped a child (he was 21 and she was 14, even if they were "dating", I believe it was rape)? Honestly, I'm not sure that if I hadn't been molested I would be comfortable talking and laughing with someone who raped a child. Do people deserve second chances and since he has served his time should I and everyone else just be OK with it? It really has nothing to do with me, should I just mind my own business? Am I overreacting? Am I not over it?