Thanks for all the words of encouragement and support! Everything you have said makes perfect sense and has helped me stay the course that is right for me. It is so very helpful to get feedback and advise from those that have been there.
I have made NC in any way since 9/7/12. He's been able to find his way in through various means of communication, most of which I've shut down. His apology was weak and meaningless to me. I can see that it is just another way to try and get me back into this bad situation. He is impatient and angry when I don't respond quickly and in the manner he wants.
I'm not going to do it. I was very clear in the last contact we had that I was done. Really done. This game of who is in control is over. I know that if I don't reply to him, the hurtful words will come again. Trying to be ready for that.
There is no "making this work for both of us". Remember he has said all along that he doesn't care about me, never has and never will. We're not friends. Sorry doesn't take away the mean comments that he has made over time. I've watched him destroy the lives of other women that he's been with and that will not happen to me.
So, I'm still here and doing ok. Trying hard not to slip back in to thinking about when things were "good". Not sure that they ever really were in the first place.