I don't know what the heck is wrong with me.... as much as I want to fix my part of the problems at home in dealing with my kids, it's like I continue to set myself up to fail. What am I so scared of? Why can't I just DO it? Why can't I just change how I deal with or process things? Not only did I miss an opportunity two nights ago, but I even screwed something up with DH today. I'm so disappointed in myself..... like why can't I just get it together?
The other day DS10 came home from school sick. He was going to go into his room and I said he could hang out with me in the living room if he wanted. He was SUPPOSED to be in bed since he'd come home sick, this is a rule DH and I have agreed on years ago and I do agree is right. So why the hell did I self sabotage?? Then when DH came home with DS5 at the end of the day, DS10 was in his room resting, finally. I was making dinner and could hear DS5 hopping around and playing with someone or something. I was too preoccupied to find out. Instead, DH saw that DS5 was playing in DS10's room and DS10 was involved too. (Of course he was, he's a kid.) But did I do anything about it? No. Instead I kept making dinner oblivious to what was going on. No wonder DH is so friggin frustrated with me.... I am too when he points it out! I honestly want the same things and agree with his viewpoints but it's like I am my own worst enemy... I get in my own way!
This morning was a direct issue with DH. He had to take me to the hospital because of severe back pain (I'd been up all night & couldn't sleep.) He asked me to text his boss saying that he may be late coming in today since he was gonna get the kids to school and bring me to the hospital. He also said to make it like it was going to be left up in the air since we didn't know how long we'd be at the hospital. I did send the text to his boss, but only the first part saying he'd be an hour late. I totally forgot to put in the other part about leaving it up in the air (not sure if or when he may make it in at all). What a friggin idiot..... Ok - fine, to cut me some slack I was overtired and in a lot of pain. But I do this ALL the time!!! No wonder I can't follow through with discipline or rules... I'm always forgetting the pieces that go together.