Going through a very down phase in my separation. This is probably just a normal thing to feel but it stinks. Feeling lately like I could have done more, like I should have tried harder.
Trying to remind myself that even if I did try harder, it still most likely would have been a lonely existence in my marriage. My ex had anxiety issues (and others) related to talking to me and without talking, we were going nowhere. I have to keep in mind the time he told me he would only be able to talk to me for 5 minutes at a time about any difficult topic. I think I may have even been able to deal with that if even those 5 minutes happened regularly. They did not.
We were housemates. Shared bills and a dinner out once a week. No intimacy, no connection, no warmth or support. He said he wasn't OK with that but didn't do much beyond what he always did, which was pick up flowers on the way home. Don't get me wrong, love flowers and always appreciated them and his other great qualities but when you haven't had sex in 2 years, yet your husband keeps bringing you flowers and won't talk about what is wrong...you start to go a little nuts.
Just venting. Thanks for listening. I know things will get better eventually. I'll be spending this evening reading over divorce documents. How fun.