Trying to decide what to do to help DD now that SIL has been out of work for almost 4 mths. I know she had a buffer saved up but I suspect it is running low. When DGS was born, we brought most of the baby supplies for the first 2 yrs. This was not asked of us but we chose to do it due to the difficulties of his birth, his disability & the fact that DD could not go back to work until he was 18 mths old. We then chose to provide daycare until he was 4 to save them money so they could buy a house. DD has always appreciated what we did & thanked us at the time but we don't talk about it. However, we have never received a thank you from SIL.
My best friend does everything for her kids. She lends them money. She calls it an advance on their inheritance. She spends a approx $500s on birthdays for each kid/grandkids & then approx 2000 each for Xmas. She is at their beck & call constantly. It is one of the reasons she was laid off as it was discovered that she was babysitting while working from home. She did get her work done so they couldn't fire her but chose to select her when they had layoff targets because of it. Her house is falling down around her as she can't afford improvement while giving her kids money. They both own huge, beautiful homes. She used to be house proud when the kids were growing up but now all of her income goes to support them. Her DS is married with 2 kids but doesn't work. He plays at being an artist which is his dream. His wife works part time. Guess who supplies the mortgage payments. He has talent & does get 4000 or 5000 for his work when he sells which is about 4 or 5 piece a yr.
So that is one extreme & I have another friend who says, her kids are on their own. She paid for their educations (all university grads) & it's their responsibility to live their own lives. We had no help financially or personally from our families. We ended up providing assistance to DH's parents when his Dad quit working at 70 & they were too old to help with kids. My Mom had not interest in being a grandmother & never offered any financial assistance even though she could have afforded it then. Their investments have taken a significant loss & so now we are helping them financially.
So I'm back to my original concern. What do we do to help DD? Our income is only 30% of what it was when I was working but I have money set aside. I know if I lend her money then she will work to pay it back asap. Any ideas or suggestions?