Hi everyone. I have been dealing with infertility for awhile now and it's really starting to wear me down. I have always been happy for friends who get pregnant but feel pretty sad at the same time. I have always been able to deal with this but when I found out my brother in law was getting married (I knew his now wife had been trying to get him to try for a baby after they only knew each other 6 months) I really started not being able to even talk about them without my heart racing. Now they have a 4 month old daughter who I haven't met yet. We do live in BC, Canada and they are on the east coast of the US, so I suppose that is a decent excuse, but I hate living with these negative feelings! I just have absolutely no desire to visit them and can't even imagine it! My husband has gone to visit them (my sister was in town so I honestly couldn't make it). I don't think they know I feel this way, I have always been nice to them and sent gifts for the baby and even let them call me for newborn advice when they asked (I am an ob/postpartum nurse)- needed a drink before that! I can fake it being far away but I know my heart will race and I will panic and I won't even know what to say to them if I visit, and they will surely think I am crazy! My husband's family all lives near each other and his sister just had her second baby around the same time (this doesn't seem to bother me as much for some reason). I just feel like the worst person in the world not wanting to meet their baby and not wanting to see or talk with them at all. It doesn't help that I never really liked his wife anyways, ugh! Help! I need advice on how to deal with this situation!!