Hello! I was an active member on this board several years ago, so you probably won't recognize me. The reason I am back is to see if anyone has suggestions for a book or other resource that would be a good idea to give my daughter. She is 20 and about to become engaged. They are waiting until they are married (most likely May or June of this coming year) for intimacy.
The reason I'm asking for help on this is that she was r*ped when she was 16. She kept quiet about it and we didn't know until this past May; she in fact had blocked it and started remembering in December. She was dealing with flashbacks, nightmares, etc. and when we found out what happened it made a lot of pieces fall into place. Having been through my own healing issues, I have been very concerned about her healing process. She has a very good counselor she has been seeing for a few years off and on for various issues, and started seeing her again this past summer. They have a good relationship and talk openly; also, my daughter is really good about having a sense of when she needs a session (doesn't avoid). It has surprised me the more she and I have talked that she is quite a bit further along in her healing process than I thought. I've had to remind myself that for me this has been new, but for her it hasn't been.
The young man she is involved with knows what happened. They have a very good relationship and she has been able to talk to him about anything very easily from the beginning. The fact that she feels safe with him says a lot, because even the abuse aside she has never been one to trust quickly. He has helped her a lot with her healing, just by nature of their relationship.
I, of course, am concerned about difficulties with intimacy when that time comes. He's told her that he won't push her faster than what she's ready for. They both want to have a family. She told me today that she had a bad dream where she was saying, "We can't do it. We'll have to adopt." I'm confident that her counselor will be very helpful with this, but I am wondering if you have any suggestions on a good book or something that would address how to overcome blocks to intimacy when r*pe has occurred. I don't think Courage to Heal is the right one for her at this point; I feel like it would be too much.
Thanks for anything you can offer!