Unfortunately I have recently become a BS...never thought this could happen to me...right! So here I am reading other people's stories and realizing I have many of the same questions that the rest of you do. At least I don't feel so alone I guess, but I am wondering at what point I will start to feel like I am moving forward...
My D-day was October 14th, when my H's OW decided to spill the beans to her H. Hear is the catch...OW was my best friend of over 10 years. My level of hurt and betrayal goes beyond just my H having an affair. From what I know...and they both have said...it happened a couple of times over a month and my H ended it the day before D-day. She was mad that he wanted to stop what was going on...I think maybe that is why she told her H about it..that and the fact that he had discovered their texting through his phone bill.
I spent the first week in a total daze of shock, hurt, and barely remember getting through those first few days. My H and I have been together about 5 years and have a 2 year old in addition to 3 children from our previous marriages. He says that he ended it because he realized what he was doing and couldn't continue that relationship...he wanted to be with me and wasn't willing to risk everything we had. I of course have asked, why, how, why why why...and he has tried to be open with me I think. He made himself an appointment with a therapist without me asking and has went once and has another appointment coming up because he said he needs to know why he did it as much as I do. He divorced his first wife because she cheated, his father and mother divorced because his father cheated and he always hated him for that...so why in the world would he do this to me? That of course is always the big question.
As for my so-called best friend...I confronted her as soon as I found out...she wouldn't say a word or look at me...I have not contacted her or tried to talk to her since. She did send me an email saying that she was so sorry for what she has done to my family and to me and that she regrets it...I did not respond. We live in a small community, our children are friends...we have many mutual friends....this is going to be a long road. One I am not sure I can go down.
My H says he really wants to make things work and is willing to do anything to make that happen. I did not ask him to leave, I told him that if he really wanted to get through this he had to walk every painful step with me. It would be to easy to let him leave and then come back when I am better...but then he wouldn't be able to see the agony I am going through. I am not sure that has been the right thing to do - but I am also having terrible anxiety when he is not at home. Is that normal?
This roller coaster of emotions has went on for almost 3 weeks and while I know that it could take a long time to heal...how do you all cope on those days that you get so angry you feel you could hurt someone? I have avoided that so far, I have been praying and reading a christian based book called "A Love Worth Giving" which has helped to calm me at times. But there are those times when I scream, cry and pound my fist on the steering wheel because I tend to have them when I am alone in the car, that I need to know how to get this anger out...or is that even possible? I have thought about writing a letter to her and to him..but not sending? Has anyone tried something like that? What methods have some of you used that helped you with the anger, resentment and hatred that boil inside? I don't want to do anything to make this worse than it already is...I just want to move forward and get through this stage. I know the hurt may never go away...but I need to know that some of this will get better!
Any suggestions are appreciated...