Or something like that. On Saturday night (when I had initiated sex on either Thursday or Friday, can't recall) he gets into bed and grabs my tit and pinches it HARD. My '%^#$, knock that off!' brings on another TALK. Wherein he tells me that I always have to have it my way, and I'm not trying hard enough, and that we have sex, like what, once a week? And that I only have sex to get him off my back, and I haven't tried to enjoy it, and we've eliminated all the physical causes so the problem is all in my head, and etc etc etc. Of course he storms off, and I cry. I have nothing to say to any of this, and told him so. What is it I am supposed to say? When I say that, he gets mad, and says everything else that gets done about this problem is his doing, and I need to step up to the plate. He's not going to tell me what I am supposed to say on top of that.
I guess my taking testosterone cream and anti-parkinson's drugs, and initiating sex once a week even though I don't really want it, and reading a zillion books, isn't actually the same thing as me DOING something about the problem. This morning I called the sex therapist in the town 45 minutes away. All new patients have to be put on a wait list and take a cancellation appointment. The receptionist couldn't tell me how long it would take to get in. And apparently I have to drop everything and go to whatever appointment comes along. Not really excited about that, since i have a job and everything.
We didn't speak all on Sunday. Not so much as one word the whole day. I don't know what I am supposed to do at this point. I'm all out of ideas. I will probably call him at lunch and tell him about the sex therapist. I'm sure that making that call won't count either (although it felt really awful and embarrassing and pointless to me.) Crying at my desk. great.. better go work and try to think about something else.