Have been thinking and thinking about HOW to deal with this in a civilized way... this has happened twice recently and i want to stop it and nip it in the bud right now. Recently, on 2 occassions my DH and I were having a minor disagreement and his parents were within "earshot" - MIL happens to be the type that says whatever is on her mind at any given time whether it offends someone or not (dare someone ELSE do that - then it would be wrong, wrong, wrong and she would have no problem jumping all over you!). The recent disagreement with DH was about something, a habit, that he does that really bothers me that is very inconsiderate and he had just done it again so i called him on it just to make him aware and his mom jumped in and decided to put her 2 cents in which entailed: belittling me and totally downplaying what just happened and turned it all around on me like i am some idiot because it bothers me - of course she NEVER accepts that what DH is doing/or has done is a problem, just attacks me instead!!! She isnt aware of the pattern or what has happened in the past and jumped right in. For one, she doesnt know the history behind the problem (and SHOULDNT - its none of her business!) and two, she shouldnt involve herself!
I try to chose my battles wisely and given the chance, i would NOT try to discuss a problem in front of anybody but i had no option at that time (unless i was willing to wait a week since we were traveling with DH's parents.)
Without getting into specifics - MIL even gets defensive about some comments i make to DH (that are civil but i may be asking him about why something happened, etc..... not even an argument!) - comments that dont involve MIL at all - but she has to attack me with her 2 cents (that i must be an idiot for something bothering me or feeling the way i feel....) With the xmas holiday quickly approaching - and that means family gatherings! - i need some good, insightful ways on how to stop this in its tracks! Whenever she involves herself, i just dont say anything...... i feel that its my DH's battle to handle but im sure he doenst want to say something to her when she just was basically defending him - so what do you feel is the best way to handle this? I will say that, yes, optimal thing to do would be to bring it up later when we are alone but i dont always have that option - and again, sometimes im just making a statement or comment and she will belittle me and say some snide remark - after all, in her opinion, SHE is allowed to do that, but all heck would break loose if anyone else does it....
Any info on how to handle this is welcomed!!!! thank you!