So, this is going to be my first Christmas alone, and by alone, I mean truely ALONE. My little one is flying to spend a week with his dad as soon as school gets out for the break and will be there for Christmas, while my older one has promised his cousin he'd spend the week with her. Seems my 18-year-old son can't say no to his two 13-year-old cousins and is wrapped around their little fingers, lol. I'm going to be home, alone, and working. Yeah. This is also the first Christmas without my mother, who died in February, so along with the kids being gone, working, and turning 40 in about 2 weeks, I'll be missing my mother like crazy. (Actually, I already am) Oh, and I have 4 cats. Yes, 4. Cats. You could say I'm feeling a wee little sorry for myself, and actually, it's more like I'm a huge blubbering mess of craziness right now, with insane hormonal things going on.
I won't make it sound too horrible, because in reality, I have made a lot of friends who are great, get out frequently, enjoy a very close, loving relationship with my sons, as well as my extended family, and I've even been seeing someone for quit a bit of time, though it's nothing serious. I spent Thanksgiving at home with my kids, my girlfriend and her family, and a couple of other friends, as well. I make decent money, and I'm starting to actually catch up on my bills and will soon be able to start making some home repairs that are desparately needed now that I'm getting child support, and, as some oh, so sensitive man put it, I'm not fat or ugly. That being said, this is really HARD. I decided that since I no longer have to compromise on what I want, I'd make myself happy, so I bought a big, real Christmas tree and a bunch of new ornaments, as well as an adorable wreath for the front door. If I have to be alone on Christmas morning, at least I get to enjoy my darn tree. I know there are tons of people who have it worse, but, seriously, HOW do you get through Christmas without your kids, family, etc? I'm taking a week off after Christmas, so I'll get to be with all the kids and my sisters for New Years, and that's got to be my focus, I guess. But OMG, this really sucks.
OK, I'm done. No more "poor me" stuff. If any of you have advice on how to make it suck less, I'll be quite happy to hear it.