Its been awhile since I have been here. Forgive me if this is a long post and I will give you a very brief version of what has gone on. I have been in a relationship for about 6.5 years. My now fiancee (since last January) has broken up with me multiple times. He asked me to marry him about a year ago and I have been living with him in his townhome since then. He has had profiles on sex sites, dating sites, and takes pictures of women when we are on vacation. Two years ago he was seen exposing himself to passers by on the street and got a citation from the police. As a result, he lost his job last December 2011 and has been unemployed since. This is also the time he asked me move in with him and marry him. I should mention that in October of 2011 he had broken up with me. A few weeks later I saw his dating profile on a dating site and he had included pictures of him I had taken on one of our vacations. Despite all that, I accepted the ring a couple months later. This was last December.
Our history is shaky. He has dabled with other women and I have always had suspicions. As I said, I have seen his profile on sex sites in the past and he admitted to me that a few years back, met a woman at a parking lot and had sex with her in her car.
There were a couple women he liked at one of his jobs here in town from about 5 years ago. Recently, on our computer I saw pictures of them he has taken recently. They are pictures he takes while they walk around town. One woman I guess takes regular walks with her infant and friend every morning, because I see the times the pictures are taken and they are always the same time. And same background. So, he found this woman and follows her around, takes pictures, and puts them on our computer. There is a salon across the street and one of the stylists is a smoker. He has an entire folder of her pictures. All of these pictures are taken without the woman knowing. But why does he do it?
Well, today I was home alone and I looked at his credit card statement. There is a charge posted this October for a sex site. I was floored! I asked him about it and he said he doesn't have a profile and that he is disturbed why I am asking him. He told me that I don't trust him and that he doesn't feel right in this relationship. By the way, we are supposed to get married in 2 months. I am the one who postponed it twice.
Aside from all this, I am not happy. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. Our life goals are totally different. I don't know why I stay. I am an attractive, educated and hard working woman. I have the respect of everyone who knows me and no one would ever believe I have been this stupid. And on top of it, he acts as though all of this is my fault. That I should not question him. And he lies to me.
Please give me some advice. There is so much to share, but this post would be a novel. Please help me.