I need to vent... its okay if you dont want to listen. But I've been extremely bottled up for two years. I've been dating someone who is my family friend. Hes been in my life since we were children and we only became friends when were about 21.. (we are 24 now). Our relationship was a worldwind rollercoaster of drunken adventures.. beautiful dates.. trips all over the place. I loved him with my whole heart. The problem is he never wanted to commit to me. His exgf, as annoying as she was, would never fail to pop up in conversation, on facebook, etc. I ignored it, kept doing my thing, I am strong and passionate. I confronted him several times and it was always a screaming match.
Now two years later, he has a hold on me. Its like one fight with him and my world comes down. I cry and struggle and can't get myself out of my bed. I find no happiness and lost interest in so much. He has thrown me off my path and I never feel better until I hear from him, talk to him. Its like he knows this and yet still fucks around with my emotions and feelings. The other night- I got really drunk and I confronted him. I said everything that was on my mind including that I thought he was a liar and cheater and he did not deserve me or anyone because he did not know what love is. He thinks I ' dicked him over' but really, is it a crime to say whats on my mind? Subconsciously I know I have to let him go and kick him out of my life. But since he is a part of my family's community it is hard to get away. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't chase someone who no longer makes me happy yet I can't stop being a pyscho path who calls him repeatedly just to cry... He ruins me. My friends dont even know about this because frankly I know they must be sick of hearing about him disappointing me time and time again. He says he loves me alot but I drive him crazy and he does not have time for this conflict. Seriously? If you care about someone shouldnt you give them the time of day? I am so sick of how I feel.. and I dont know how to get way.. help me god