My husband had an affair twice with the same woman. The first time, we were in a very bad spot in our relationship when he had the affair. Not that this excuses the affair, but I could see how it happened. He also admitted it when I confronted him. This last time, he lied when confronted and it happened after I thought we had made progress in repairing our relationship. Still, once it came to light, he seemed as though he finally understood the devastation and has made a great effort to change. When I ask him to jump, he will jump until I ask him to stop. It had been a year and a half since "D-Day." Once I found out the second time, I threw myself into my work while I waited to see his level of commitment. Now, I am just coming up for air, so to speak. And I am beginning to work through all these emotions.
I have made the decision to stay - or, at least I want to stay. But I am having a very hard time getting over my grief for what I have lost. I have been in counselling for 2 months and am on an anti-depressant now.
I have lost my soulmate. My husband was my emotional support for painful experiences in my life, such as the loss of my father. I felt as though we shared each others pain and triumphs. But now, there is part of me that I can never share with him. Sure, he understands that he caused this pain. We have talked exhaustively about it. But it isn't something he can completely share because he is the cause of it. And it wasn't an accident - he consciously and intentionally made a choice that he knew would cause pain. So, I still have my best friend, but I have lost my soulmate.
I am reaching out to this group, trying to find help in dealing with this grief. What have you found that helps with this pain, this loss? What was your "ah-ah" moment that let you move past your grief and find joy in your partner again? I am really struggling. I want to stay with my husband, but I am mourning my loss.