Hi, MAS Gang!
Like I said before, it is nice to see some activity again on MAS, although I don't come around a lot. I've been trying to make even the idea of an A take a backseat in my life, so the breakdown of MAS happened at a good time for me. It kind of forced me to dwell less upon my A.
I still talk to AP a lot, but I have developed a few great friendships with some female friends and it helps me stop from turning to him. I have always had a lot of women friends, but so often in the past ten years, all my old friends were so wrapped up in kids and soccer and work that it was hard to really feel like I could turn to them at any time. My best friend now is a coworker and when we hang out, it's like a pair of silly high school girls. We giggle and gossip and just have fun! And her kids are almost grown, so she actually has time to spend with me. I realized I relied upon my XH, then AP for most of my real intimate social contact, so I am working on branching out and it feels good!
I do still get frustrated sometimes with AP, about the usual things, but I'm caring less over time. I still really value the long friendship, and I'm glad he makes the efforts he makes to keep me in his life after the A. Most of the time is is working.
I did have a little wobble about a month ago. I went to AP's house one day after school and we had some contact...not much. I initiated it (as always) and I felt pretty dumb about it very quickly. It had been almost a year and a half since we had fooled around, and the way I felt afterwards made me appreciate the way no physical contact protects me. The good news is, it didn't cause a bunch of drama for either of us. Thank goodness! I don't worry about screwing up anymore, after all of the many, many other screw ups I have already had...lol. There's not much to lose, and that takes the pressure off.
I'm still not dating. I'm not there yet. I'm considering becoming a nun. I already have the perfect nun's name, so if I can just eschew the carousing and cursing and general lewdness, it may work. Wish me luck!