I have worked to place boundaries around my life from my Mom but since I'm an only child & she is not well, I haven't cut the bonds entirely. 6 wks ago they moved out of their retirement home into a resort that is being paid for by the new retirement home they are moving to. This home is being built & was to be finshed last Dec. I'm thinking June is more likely. I told them not to move until the home was open but she chose to ignore me. The new retirement home will be better for me as it's only 15 mins away instead of the 75 min drive to the previous home. I knew that living in the resort would impact me more and I was clear on what I was willing to do for them. I agreed to do their laundry but not their ironing. There are no laundry facilities at the resort. Once they move into the home then it will be done there. I agreed to take them to specialist appts but not general dr appts as these are local & the home has a van they use for trips for the residents. You get the message. I will do the things that others can't do.
I am over there 2 or 3 times a week which was never my intention but seems to be the reality. I agreed to visit on Mon with my DSG who Mom hasn't seen since last summer. At 6, they change a lot. Other than to say hi & brag to the others that her great grandson was there, she ignored him and proceeded to rant about the terrible food, how unhappy she was & how hard life is for her. So in other words, typical behaviour. When we are leaving she "begs" me to please come on Tues to take her to the hairdresser. She said she had to change her appt & the van was booked to take others on a day trip. So I agree as she promises all I will have do is drop her off as the van will be back in time to pick her up. Ok, so this will be a 45 min round trip for me & I say yes not to be selfish. Well, typical of my Mom everything changes. I arrive to pick her up & deliver her laundry & find her waiting with my stepdad & another woman to be taken in my car. I have my grandson with me & tell Mom I don't believe there is enough room for everyone & why am I taking anyone other than her. She says it won't be any trouble. So I tell them to wait & head into the resort to talk with the home staff. The 2 ladies say Mom said it was not a problem for me to do this running around & if it is then they will just take my stepdad & the other woman in as the day trip was cancelled & so the van is available. I said it is a problem as I have my grandson. So we go out to tell them but they are jammed into the car with the doors shut so I just say forget it. So instead of a 45 min round trip, we are gone for over 3 hrs. We have to go to hair dresser (twice because no one told me that is where the other woman was also going until I had gone to eye dr), eye dr twice (to drop off & pick up 2 pairs of glasses to be fixed), drug store for prescriptions, card store, subway sandwich place & grocery store. I asked my Mom why she didn't call me to ask if this was ok with me & she said that she figured it wouldn't be a problem. Then she puts on her helpless face saying, I just don't want to bother you. At the drug store, I had to pick up a special comb because she wants to help another resident by doing her hair for her. It's important to my Mom that she be a good friend but apparently being a good mother isn't of any interest.
Oh well, to end on a happier note. My DGS was just wonderful in spite of having been promised that we would just go on a quick trip, he never complained & even tried to make conversation with my stepfather who he is afraid of. I brought him candy for being so good & he only ate one. He says he is saving the rest for Mommy & Daddy to share.