I started a homestudy about 4 months ago to pursue international adoption as a single. I was previously married but were never successful in having kids and now that I am 40 I am looking at other options.
Anyhow, I started this homestudy with the intention of adoption from Brazil because I have lived in Brazil and my ex-husband is Brazilian and of course I have a real love for that country. Unfortunately, after doing a lot of research, I discovered that the youngest child that I can adopt is 8 years old. I just felt in my heart that as a first-time Mom, I did not feel comfortable with that and as a result had to give up my dream of adopting from Brazil. Unfortunately, singles have very few options now adays in terms of international travel. I was finally able to find an agency that works with singles to adopt for Ethiopia. I thought long and hard about it and decided why not. My heart is in it so let's proceed. However... in the midst of gathering all of my paperwork for this adoption, I started to have feelings of doubt and also a lot of stress because I do not have $30k to just pull out of my pocket and my intention was to pay for the adoption through fundraising. Nonetheless, I am starting to get annoyed with this whole process. I am mainly frustrating and irked by the amount of money that people are making out of this and I think it is totally wrong and not just. This is akin to legal child traficking and the more I think I about it the more I just want to drop the whole thing. In addition, I have recently read stories where a lot of these children in Ethiopia were taken from their families and told that these kids would return when they are 18 and the families would be financially supported by the families who adopted them. This probably is not the case for all of these kids but it does exist.
I decided to go ahead and finish my home study since I had already paid for most of it with the hopes that I could possibly find someone in my town that was thinking of giving their kid up for adoption and as a result started to post up flyers at Planned Parenthood and other places. I just did this recently.
Also, I started paperwork to become a foster parent in hopes that maybe I could adopt that way. I like the idea of not having to fork out $30K and the fact that you can live with a child before adopting them if you so chose to.
I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that I find myself really vacillating often about whether to proceed with the international adoption or just simply drop it. I keep thinking that if I have to dip into my savings to buy this child then what am I going to have for this child when I bring him/her home? I really am just so angry about having to pay this but my desire to be a Mom is very palpable and strong.
It's like I want some quick answer about which option is better, international, domestic or foster-to-adopt. I get so flustered some times and so sad at my lack of control over all of this that sometimes I just want to give up and let go of the dream.
Has anyone else experience this before and if so do you have any advice for me? I need to make a decision soon as to my course of action and as of now am scared to commit to a $30k investment that may not even be an orphaned child. I do not have any other options for international adoption unless I want to adopt a much older child or a child with special needs. None of which I feel capable of doing.
Thanks so much for your time!!