My husband recently admitted to having an emotional affair with an ex girlfriend. They both agreed that it was emotional but never physical. We were having a rough time during my pregnancy and things go worse after our daughter was born. He says that he felt unsupported and unwanted. She was giving him the attention that I was not. He says this contact stirred old feelings for her. She confessed her love for him and the friendship moved up a level. They were both telling each other that they loved each other and missed each other. He says that she tried to take it to a physical level by inviting him to her hotel room during a girl's weekend with friends. He told her no and he did not go out of town with her. He says she asked him to leave me, divorce me and be with her. He again said no to her. Her husband found their converstations on her cell phone and started texting my husband harrassing him to the point where my husband had to threaten a restraining order. I have talked to her husband and she denies some of what my husband said and says he is a liar. I assume she is attempting to cover her own butt with her husband. Her husband started making wild claims when it was obvious that he was not getting the reaction from me that he wanted. He has made it very clear that he wants to destroy my marraige with my husband because my husband was involved with his wife. Did that makes sense? LOL Anyway he made claims that he could not back up and I finally had to tell him to just keep his wife in check and leave us alone so we could fix our marriage. My husband ended the affair almost 2 weeks ago in the morning and then told me about it that evening when he got home from work.
He says when she started asking for things like sex and him leaving me he knew that they had gone way to far. This was no longer her just making him feel special or old high schoool feelings being stirred up. That is when he realized what he was doing and what he had to lose. That is why he ended it and told me everything. He has made it very clear that he is sorry and wants to do anything and everything I ask of him to right his wrongs and save our marriage. He has in fact done everything I have asked of him. I have access to everything from phone records to email so I can feel safe and start to trust him again. He has been calling every day to check on me while he is at work. That is something he has NEVER done before. We have been married for 7 years in July and he never wore his wedding ring. He hasn't taken it off since he confessed to the affair and promises to wear it at all times. Which is something I have been asking from him for almost 7 years now. Every night after we get all 3 kids to bed we are spending time together. No computers or cell phones allowed. Just the two of us together talking and wading our way through this mess. He answers any and all questions I have honestly. He has been forcing me to cry and not letting me hold it in. He refuses to let me take any of the blame for what happened even though my distance is what started the conversations with this ex in the first place. We are seeking marraige counseling but I am still jumping through a million hoops right now trying to get all the details worked out so insurance will pay for it. Talk about a major fail in both the health care system and our insurance company.
I think we are on a good path. We are both dedicated to saving our marraige and our family. I am still struggling mostly with that fact that he said the words "I love you" to another women. I am having trouble letting go of that fact even though he says he never loved her. He says it was nice to be wanted but it was never love with her. So any tips you have on letting go of that tidbit of information would be nice. Or any other tips on how to continue to move forward and heal would be wonderful. I am just so tired of hearing people say I should leave him or that they could never put up with it if their husband did this. Everyone is different and I truly want to forgive my husband so we can move on with our lives. Thanks for listening.