Hello there, I haven't been here in a long while but I'm back and I think I have found myself in another mess. This is a bit long, so bear with me.
In September I met a man who is 6 years younger than me and had just got out of a 3 year relationship. When I met him I had a gut feeling about him and was almost turned off by him. I knew he was not available for a relationship. However, he came on strong and we began texting/talking a lot during the week. He "won me over" I guess you could say. Over the course of a few weeks he mentioned that he had cheated on his former gf, he would make "jokes" about sensitive topics, etc.. This was a major red flag so I cooled it for a bit with him. I also thought it was strange that he rarely wanted to see me but we talked all the time over text. Then we were finally able to meet up but he didn't seem interested in taking me out on a date or anything. After the last few guys I had dated I didn't want a serious relationship and I wanted to just get my feet wet dating casually. This was just the beginning. In October after meeting up once a week or so, we had sex and things took a turn for the worst. After this he acted even more strangely, I wouldn't hear from him for days and at one point I moved on because I hadn't heard from him for a week and a half. We would have plans and he would constantly blow them off. I found out through a friend that he had been seeing his ex, I had a gut feeling thats what had been going on the whole time. After this I didn't talk to him for a month.
In December he texted me and said he missed me and things changed a little bit. I never said a word about his ex, and never asked him if he was seeing her or not. Looking back he lied about every little thing. I was very upset that he had basically cut me out of his life when he wanted and decided to walk back in. I told him that I could not do a casual relationship and we should just be friends. I stood my ground. BUT he persisted even more and I caved and we began talking every day again (looking back I see that he was having problems with his ex and I was his rebound, again). At this point I felt like we were dating, we saw eachother once a week and things were great, we got along well. In January, out of the blue one day he said we could only be friends and that he wasn't ready to date. I was devastated because our relationship was progressing and as soon as we got close he always cut it off. However, he kept texting, kept his foot in my life because I let him.
In February I found out he was not only seeing his ex the whole time we were dating again, but he was dating another girl too. They both contacted me and we all revealed our stories about him. The worst part about it all, is that he was telling his ex they were going to get married and have kids all while he was screwing two other women and playing with our emotions. I am mainly disappointed in myself for not walking away when I saw the red flags or had bad feelings about things or about how he was acting. I wanted to keep the relationship casual, but from the start I didn't want to be used like I was for his needs. What bothers me is how him and I would get extremely close and as soon as that happened he would run away and sabotage it. All of this just shows me that I am falling for the most unavailable, disrespectful men and I can't stop. Its almost as if I'm addicted to these chaotic relationships/people. Over the past month I've been anxious, depressed, not myself. I am not sure how I can stop this toxic pattern I've gotten myself into.