I'm posting for a friend (male) that has asked me for my opinion and I thought I'd throw it out to those in-the-know:
He has been in a committed relationship for 6 years. Recently his SO has been texting and fb'ing considerably when they are together but she rarely shares what or with whom she is texting. Even when out on dates she is in contact with men (married & single) she calls friends and they text her at late hours and ask her, for example, if she is out. She claims these men are just friends but he has been contacted by others that have seen her out at bars and restaurants with other men which she had not revealed to him.
Right to the point. Here is a series of texts over two days between her (Jess) and her recently divorced male neighbor (Clay). Chime in as to what you think of this. It's a bit long but hopefully sets the context. The names have been changed and "( )" have been added to provide detail. She is "Jess" and the neighbor is "Clay" the SO is "Dave."
In your opinion, is Jess having an inappropriate relationship with Clay?
Jess: I'm going to keep putting my mail in your mailbox if it means you are going to hand deliver it? Ha ha ;/) thanks for all you do, best neighbor ever!
Clay: I'd be happy to hand deliver your mail. If I see anything interesting, I'll just keep it as a form of payment. :)
Jess: Ha ha? Oh, better get my tax return direct deposited! ; P
Clay: Nah. I'll split that with you.
Jess: Or we could split a bottle of wine...Probably worth more!! Ha ha ha, ugh!
Clay: Sounds great, but sorry to hear about your refund! Wine is on me!
Jess: 8 )
(Jess went "out with the girls" Thursday night as she did not have her kids. She did not contact Dave who has his kids but has excellent sitters so they can go out. And fyi she rarely(!!) stays out past 10pm which is also her self-imposed bedtime)
Clay (10:40pm): Damn it! Lost in a shoot out?! Are you home yet? Ready for that bottle of wine?
Jess (10:40pm): Ha OMG just got home and was going to text you that we officially can not let our dogs out at the same time!!! Mine is too ADHD!
Jess: I know it's late, are u up for a glass vs a bottle
Clay: Sure! Just watching tennis over here. I'll bring the wine if you provide the glass.
Jess (10:45pm): Ok my house is a mess come on over!!!
Clay: Can't be more of a mess than mine.
Clay: (2am after wine) Thanks for a fun night. I hope I didn't ask too many questions. Do it again soon?
Jess: Yeah for sure!!! No never too many questions!!!! Goodnight!
Clay (Friday morning): Ouch my head ; }
Jess: Holy crap. Me too.
Clay: Not sure why I thought I could drink like I'm 22 again. On a random Thursday, no less!
Jess: ikr, but it was fun!
Clay: It was. Sorry for hiting on you. I think the wine put me over the edge after too many beers with dinner at the club.
Jess: You were hitting on me? Ha ha ha jk... You are too sweet, and no worries- we totally have to talk more about P&G though!
Clay: Agreed! That is hilarious that both worked there at almost the same time.
Clay (Friday afternoon): I'm feeling worse as the day goes on. I think I need a nap. :)
Jess: Oh that is terrible! Take a nap for sure! I didn't get out of bed forever
(Jess and Dave have already made plans to be together for the entire weekend as his kids are going with their mom)
Jess (Friday 5pm): We need to finish this bottle ;-)
Clay: I'd be happy to try. I'm officially old because I have felt hungover all day! Are you watching the game tonight?
Jess: omg, stuck on the phone with a work partner I totally forgot the game was on tonight,.... I'm not sure if I will watch it - guess Dave is coming over for a bit. are you busy now?
(Jess has just contacted Dave 4 times to find out EXACTLY when he will be coming over, even confirming that he won't be there before 7)
Clay: Believe it or not, I'm jumping into the shower for the first time today. Then I've got nothing going on.
Jess: sounds like you've got nothing on now! He he he, Ok, well- I think he is coming over about 7ish- so if you shower quick we could finish it
Clay (6pm): Ok. Be over shortly. Don't want Dave to think you're cheating on him with me. :)
Jess: ha ha ha, oh, lord... so true!
Dave came over at 7pm Friday night and spent the weekend. Jess did not mention the Thrusday till 2am rendezvous or the Friday quick glass of wine just before he got there. In fact, when telling her story about going out with the girls she said they came back to her house for a bit but left by 11pm (Dave even texted her that Thurs night around 11pm and she said she was watching Grey's anatomy). That weekend Dave saw recent texts to Clay who she has not been friendly to (for 3 years) or even really talked to until now.