I posted over at "After Your Affair" too but thought I'd post here too.
I am a married woman who had an affair with a married man ,it's been about 5 years since I broke it off with him. Even though I loved him and love him still,I had to break it off because I kept getting my heart broken. When we first together,we became very serious. He talked about wanting to marry me etc. I have never felt so strong about a man until him. Ultimately what it came down to is I felt I was not a priority and he could sometimes drop off the face of the earth for months at a time.
I finally got the nerve one day to say to him " let's take a leap of faith and take the next step forward" (Meaning to be together). Even though he's the one who initiated these conversations between us,he ultimately told me I was moving too fast. This was after we'd been together for 3 years. Shortly after than he did another "dissapearing act" and I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. The first time he did that to me,he was gone for almost a year. I became very depressed,to the point I didn't even recognize myself.
To make a very long and painful story shorter. I found out a couple of years later that he got divorced and pretty much was looking to hook up with about a dozen different women . This hurt me. Even though I was the one who broke it off with him,I still loved him but felt he wasn't good for me emotionally. I felt my heart was just a play thing to him.
So time has passed by and out of nowhere he sends me a Facebook request BUT he sends no message along with it ?? When I first saw his request,I was dumbfounded. I felt feelings of panic and those familiar knots in my stomach were back. I don't know why but I don't like the feelings that I get. I love him so much and I truthfully I've never gotten over him. I have not accepted his request,it's just sitting there. I of course am trying to figure out what the intention is. We have no mutual friends and he no longer had my email or phone # so he had to have searched for me. This is tearing me up but I don't know why I feel weak all over again. My gut feeling is to not accept his request. I just have a bad feeling about it. On the other hand,I feel like a b*itch for not accepting it.
A part of me thinks he just wants to flaunt that he is single and doing splendidly (I'm still married) . There's just something I don't trust about it.
Please I need some advice or input. It hurts to see him again ,even in his profile picture. I would think that if he were truly interested in how I'm doing,he would have sent a message with it to say "hi" at least but no.