My close girlfriend has offered advice but i want to know what others think here.
I met two guys on an online dating site.
Very charming and generous with his laughter, easy to be around. However red flags galore. Married twice. First marriage failed because he cheated (and there is a slight criminal element to it although it was downgraded to a misdemeanor). I guess this warrants more explanation. Regarding the misdemeanor thing. He cheated with a married woman who had a teenage daughter (a minor). About 6 months into the affair, he emailed the daughter inappropriate content. The woman reported it to police and he was arrested. With probation/good behavior, it was downgraded from a felony to a misdemeanor. I found this out myself. He never told me. As I type this, I find myself saying duh what were you thinking. I should have bolted right when I found out, right? he seems very different and honest now. One child from marriage #1 who lives with mother. Second marriage ended 1.5 years ago--he says she ended it. Has one stepson from that marriage. He briefly mentioned he has bad credit--didn't elaborate. Been on three dates. He is a workaholic and has not been good about texting/emailing/calling. But I still feel very attracted to him.
Shy and awkward. Seems nice enough. kinda cheap. On first date, i offered to help with the check and he said i could pay for the tip! Very difficult to talk to, not a lot of fun or smiles. He pays me a lot of attention and is attentive with texts. Been on three dates. But i feel NO attraction at all (in fact, slightly repulsed).
Friends say guy #1 is too sketchy and I should not bother with him. He has way too much baggage. But the attraction is there.
Friends say with guy #2 the attraction can grow but most likely it won't so i should tell him we can just be friends.
Help! I really like guy#1, but feel like i may be lowering my standards and discarding long held principles. But what if he really has changed. He seems so nice. But i don't know how i would feel being wife 3 if things got serious. Guy#2 is blah but stable/safe. should i give him a chance anyways and hope i will eventually be attracted to him
Or just forget both and start fresh?
Now the other tricky part. I don't like the great houdini act (ie disappearing into thin air). After all, these are human beings with feelings and leaving people hanging is cold, disrespectful, and lacks integrity. so I feel I should end things amicably at least, right? I know when people leave me hanging, it totally pisses me off.
With guy #1 will an email and phone call suffice? Or in person?
With guy#2 in person?