My fiance, who is really a wonderful, kind, forgiving person almost all the time, just told me that he thinks my closest female friend is too fat to be my bridesmaid in our upcoming wedding. Granted, she is over 300 pounds, so I can't deny that she's large. I thought, however, that it was a given that this wouldn't matter. It never crossed my mind for a second that we would consider what people look like in choosing our wedding party, but would instead think about what these people mean to us, and who we want near.
He says he's worried because we'll have to look at our wedding photos for the rest of our lives.
He says he's concerned the people that come to our wedding won't be able to focus on us, but will be looking at her.
He says that because I told him I don't think his Best Man should get to wear his Marine Corps dress blues to the wedding when everyone else is wearing a suit, it's unfair that he shouldn't also get his way on this.
I can't get across to him that while his best man can choose what to wear, my friend can't choose what body to live in. I asked him if he felt like it was problematic that his best man/best friend, when he got married, had his fiancee's disabled brother as a groomsman, and he said that no, of course it wasn't, because it "wasn't his fault." My fiance says that my friend -has- chosen this body, and that essentially this is "her fault." I'm horrified, and terribly disappointed. I never would have thought he'd feel this way. Now, there's no way I can make a decision that will make him happy, and I hate that. She's really my only close girl friend, there's no other reasonable person I could choose. I'm already having his sisters and his best man's wife as my other bridesmaids. More than that-- I feel like I would be breaking my own moral code to not have her as a part of this event because of the way she looks. I feel like knowing that he thinks what he does will cast a pall over everything. He's said that he won't fight with me about it and will let me do what I want, but I can't shake it. I'm upset that he would even think that.
Am I making too much of things-- does my fiance have a point? If not, how can I deal with something I think is so very wrong? Suggestions?