I made it through the night. My boyfriend took me to the ER where I talked to a psychiatrist for a little while. She advised me to seek counseling and to see my psychiatrist ASAP. For a year now, my psych doc has been trying different combinations of meds, and it just doesn't help for more than a couple months at a time. I'm currently taking Effexor, Zoloft, Klonopin, Abilify, and Prazosin. Every time I've either tried to kill myself or wanted to kill myself, it hasn't been about someone dying or breaking up with a boyfriend, or even divorce. It's been about work each and every time. I just can't seem to hold down a job. Now I will be unemployed and without health insurance as of 6/1. My meds cost around $1000 out of pocket each month, so there's no way I will be able to continue taking them. The government health assistance in NM has basically been shut down. The only option is the state's high-risk pool, but there's a 95-day wait to be enrolled, and then a six month wait before pre-existing conditions will be covered.
I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow when I see her about applying for disability. I simply don't know what else to do.