After suffering much depression at Christmas last year (long story some of you already know), I had decided to go to AZ and spend THIS Christmas with my family I'm close to there (aunt & uncle, cousins, nieces, etc...). But, NOW, my oldest 2 DDs who live on opposite coasts are coming home, so, of course, I will stay put. Now here's where my guilt feelings come in:
I have decided to go to AZ for Thanksgiving instead. I've told dh as much as I'd love for him to go with me, I understand if he doesn't. His 3 adult sons have nowhere else to go for the holidays, so he feels he needs to stay home for THEM. Do you all think that at ages 20, 30 and 31 that a parent should feel this kind of obligation to their children? Granted, is oldest son IS mentally ill, so will never have anywhere else to go but his father's house, but SS30 lives 8 hours away and who knows if he WILL come home since he has no license and no car, so has to take the bus, and SS20 (hooray!) is joining the military, so may not be home. I want to scream sometimes because they should have their own lives by now and dh should be free to make choices regarding himself and NOT feel so obligated to THEM. I don't my children, but I know they'd rather be with their father's family anyway, so know it won't matter. Last year, it was me and HIS kids at the holidays which it usually is and I was SO depressed. He knew it, so is pretty ok with me leaving at Thanksgiving yet makes little comments that make me feel a bit selfish.
My feeling is that dh probably had always hoped he'd find a woman who was as devoted to his children as he is. Sorry...that woman is not me. He says sometimes that if anything happens to him, his sons will have noone. He knows I would move to AZ, as I was going to do after my divorce if anything were to happen to him which would leave his sons with noone. (Their mother lives 5 hours away and is mentally ill, but doing better from what I've heard.) I do not feel close to his kids at all and honestly, dh has nothing in common with them and gets depressed at how they've turned out.
Anyway, my question is...does it make me a terrible person to do what I need to do in order to be happy and survive the holidays or am I not thinking enough of dh? I think it would do him good to come with me and be part of me and my family and get away from his kids.