I recently met a guy through mutual friends. We talked/texted a couple weeks before meeting one night for dinner but from our 1st date we hit it off & spent time together literally everyday. Everything felt natural for us both & we were saying "I Love you" within a couple weeks. I know this sounds crazy but we are both in our 30's & I know how I feel. Everything was perfect!! We couldn't get enough of each other, constantly texting & calling & making plans to see each other after work etc. Here's the problem: I started freaking out. It just hit me one day that although everything has been great, if things don't work out I will be heartbroken.. AGAIN. I started telling him about my insecurities & he would reassure me, it went on for several days. Finally, the other night I got upset that he had planned to go away with his friends on 4th of July instead of spending it with me. We started to have a lil disagreement & I (because I'd been feeling insecure for days) started crying. He was telling me that he's tried reassuring me all week but he don't know what else to do. I made an "off the cuff" comment & as I was crying I said "I dont know, maybe I'm just too damaged from my past relationship, maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship". I did NOT mean that! I think I was wanting him to reassure me yet again. Well it backfired. By me making that comment he said it has totally scared him & he doesn't want to get hurt either. He said he wants to "slow things down". I've apologized over & over & I prayed & hoped that it would blow over, but things are different. He said he was putting in 100% becasue he thought we were on the same page, but now he feels like I'm not so he's going to slow down. When I asked what that means, he says nothing will change excpet we wont be together every night. He also said he don't want to break up, it's just going to take a little time to get past that, becasue he used to have an ex that said the same thing & it raised red flags for him.
Now I just feel like I'm in limbo. Instead of us making plans together I feel like I'm just waiting to be invited. This was a week ago. He still tells me he loves me & misses me, but before he couldn't wait to see me, now it don't feel like seeing me is a priority at all. I know that I'm the one who screwed up, but I want to badly to make it better. I want things back the way they were. I feel like a relationship is supposed to move forward not backward. I'm so scared of losing him becasue I really do love him. He tells me nothing is different but it is... I can feel it. I will never forgive myself for messing this up if we break up :(
Please.......What should I do?? :( :(