I am dating a wonderful woman but I cannot make sense of my feelings, and the actions/inactions they cause.
For about two years, I dated a very, very affectionate, uber petite brunette. She was absurdly pretty, thin and sexy, and spent hours getting her makeup and nails just so. No children. All about romance and affection. Clearly some so-called daddy issues. Used to keep me laughing and shaking my head because she was just so incredibly sweet, sexy, and adoring. Overly provocative clothes that often had other women giving her strongly dispproving glares. Couldn't cook, and not very good with my family (I have one son, and hyper-critical parents) or friends. At all times when we were together, she treated me like a king and indeed like the rest of the world didn't even exist. I broke up with her because I had started dating someone else, although only for a short time. However, during that period, the little brunette was badly injured in a car crash, crippled, and ended up moving back with her mother in the south. Although we are have long since lost contact, I think of her every single day.
Now I am dating a very elegant, friendly socialite. She's very, smart, mature, and has four children. My son, parents, and everyone else really really like her. She's just a truly great person. Unbelievable cook, and entertainer. Good with other people to the extent of being neurotic. However, while our relationship is good, and affectionate, it's very unsettling after the petite brunette to be just one of this woman's many constituents. She has her four kids. She is very close with her parents. She has tons and tons of friends. Cute, but not particularly gorgeous or sexy.
To get to the point: I am having great difficulty being intimate with this newer woman. She likes sex for sure. She is very good at it. But somehow my attraction is just barely there. I can't put my finger on it. Everything about her is great. I do love her. It's just that the little grain of sand around which the pearl forms isn't present. I think it may have to do with, I am not #1, as I was with the brunette ... I'm just one of her many constituents.
What's the answer? Should I consult a psychologist? Has my sex life been ruined for ever by the hot little brunette? How can I get past this, and get things right with this new woman? I want to get them right -- but my wanting doesn't seem to be able to make me want her.
Anyone have any insights?