I hope this is an okay place to post since I am talking about an ex-husband (just about - the divorce papers are almost here). I am going through hell with this person. It may seem that once your divorce is over, the nightmare is over, but it is not true, esp. in the case of sociopaths (of the passive-aggressive type).
I have two children with him, eighteen and twelve. Such incredible daughters. For some reason, they still want a relationship with him although I really don't want it to continue. I wanted to stop visitation a long time ago (I would have gone to the courts for this) but when I sat down with my oldest and gently explained to her that for now visitation will be stopped, she would not have it.We have been separated for about eight years now.
This is what he has done:
1)stopped all communication with me about a year and a half ago. He sends his "messages" through his kids, even though they have repeatedly told him they do not want to be his messengers.
2)tells them constantly he cannot find work or cannot work due to his health problems.
3)told one of his daughters (the twelve year old) that she cannot be a gymnast because she was not consistently in gymnastics since she was much younger. He totally burst her bubble.
4)Tells them that he has given them everything, even though he has done precious little to contribute, especially any type of cultural or artistic education - that has all come through me.
5)Is critical over things that they do - even though it has nothing to do with reality.
6)Makes them apologize to his girlfriend if she gets mad at anything (and she gets mad at everything). I always teach my children to respect adults and to respect her, but he treats her as if she was the Dalai Lama.
7)Asked my twelve year old daughter twice if she has a boyfriend. This totally set off my radar. Something about that doesn't sound right.
Numerous, countless other things. He was emotionally, mentally abusive to me when we were married, refused to give me even a smidgen of affection, constantly lied, belitted, made jokes at other's expense, was impulsive, unstable.
He sees them once a week but even in one day causes me much grief due to his words and sometimes actions.
Every characteristic that is listed for sociopathic behavior is consistent with his behavior. I have seen him kick a dog, which is one of the characteristics. I plan to write down everything he does, and go to counseling with my daughters to let them talk about this stuff.
Do you have suggestions for other things? Again, if you prefer that I write in to a divorce support group, I understand. Thanks.