My story is a very long one. Short version...been married 31 years, hubby had an affair 20 years ago, we worked through it and moved on. In the past five years our marriage has not been great, we both ignored the signs and just played the part. He moved a thousand miles away from our home with a job transfer, my youngest daughter and I stayed for 10 months in our home so she could finish the school year. Found out he was meeting another woman for coffee, and discussions. I decided my marriage was worth the risk and gave up everything I truly loved (family, job and friends) and made the move. I found out within the past since I moved that it was indeed more than what he has originally told me. They had shared many intimate moments, although....never had actually intercourse (only because SHE stopped it, he would have followed through with it). We are in counseling now, and after two sessions I am being told that I need to put it on a shelf and move on, or our marriage will never heal....and we will never be able to build the trust back. I feel like I am being bombarded with being told to get over it, but not getting the tools I need to move past it. The therapist advice was to find something to occupy my mind when I find myself *going there*. Try to focus on positives and not dwell on the negatives. Right now....I am totally not able to do that. I am pissed off. He lied over and over to me. He even admitted that he had contacted the OW two days ago (after they had no contact for six weeks) to let her know we were in counseling and working on our marriage. His need to still have contact with her hurt me deeply. He was told by the therapist to END all contact with her, and if he didn't......it would not work. He did come clean and tell the therapsit that he had contacted her, but only after....I mentioned it to her. He keeps telling me how he loves me and wants to work on things, but I just don't know what to do or where to turn. How do I ....let it go??? I know right now, I do not trust him and I need time to figure out how to trust him again, or if I can trust him again. We have almost ended this several times, but in the end.....decided to keep trying. Thirty one years is a very long time to be together without giving it everything we have.