Hello and thank you for reading. I've been holding something inside that I simply need to set free.
I have an older sister (older by 12 yrs) who I just don't feel the desire to spend time with. I know it sounds weird but....if I wasn't a relative I wouldn't want to be friends with her. She's materialistic, she's hung up on a person's physical appearance (men and women), she likes to go, go, go whereas I'm content with reading a book at home, or just watching tv. She likes parties, I don't. Sometimes I feel that she only calls me to do things when no one else is available (I feel this way because she has said that about another friend that she calls last after everyone else has said no.) She does have a boyfriend, new relationship, so she spends most of her free time with him now.
About 2 1/2 yrs ago, I found myself in dire straits...divorce, house foreclosed, laid off from 2 jobs, bankruptcy, car repossession (voluntary) and we lost our mom and brother a few years before this. It was an utter nightmare, a time I wish I could erase from memory. I was without work for 11 mos with a 16 yr old son. I sold things in the house (before we lost it) to get $ for food. I was skipping meals so that he would have enough to eat. After I lost the house, I was a gypsy and lived with a few friends until I found a cheap room to rent. By then, I had found a job making just $11/hr. During all this, I was a shell of a person, suicidal and hopeless. My sister never once offered to help. I know, I know...expectations will always backfire but aren't we suppose to rely on family? Depends I guess. I know she had her expenses but she makes $65,000/yr. is single living in an apartment and has an adopted daughter who was 9 at the time. I have another sister who was unemployed too but she managed to send me money for food every now and then...and, of course, some very dear friends helped me.
I moved to the state she lives in to re-build my life, which is not too far from where we were raised and grew up. It took a long time to coordinate this move and make it happen as I did it alone. I've been here for 1 1/2 yrs now. Now that we're closer she wants to "get to know me." With the age difference, she was out of the house as I was growing up and doing her own thing so we didn't spend time together. In fact, during one of our get togethers I was talking about my asthma and how I can't go to her friends house because she has dogs. She admitted she never knew I had asthma. Then....one day after a sleepover at her place (and I did this because my niece begged me) she admitted to me that she was always jealous of me...she felt I am prettier, my hair is nicer, etc. We have different fathers. My mother married twice. Nevertheless, I was shocked! I wondered how much that emotion has shaped her feelings towards me all these years. I didn't pursue it, I didn't want to feed into it and she quickly changed the subject almost embarrassed that she admitted it.
I turned 50 yrs old on July 30 and she did text me a happy bday but she didnt send a card. She told me on a voicemail msg that she just didnt get around to getting one and she feels bad because I always send her a card. Then she wanted to take me to eat for my bday...but then when I chose the day it wasn't a good day for her so she said she would let me know. All of this and I'm feeling like...to hell with you.
Almost forgot to mention, she's a recovered alcoholic. Her drinking stopped but the behavior is the same and at this point in my life recovering from the hell I went thru a few yrs back I don't have the patience.
Maybe I'm just stressed over everything. I have a lot on my plate. Starting a new life in a different state alone is extremely hard. So....I guess I should just let time work its magic? How do I resolve these feelings of not wanting to spend time with her? Most of my time is spent looking for full time, permanent work (I work full time now but as a temp) and researching schools because I want to go back for my Masters.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.