We were together for about 3 years. He is from New Zealand and i am from the Caribbean. I moved to NZ to be with him. we lived together for 1 year in NZ then he kicks me out and dumps me. leaves me on the street in New Zealand with nowhere to go. We both made mistakes, but I know our mistakes were because we were both afriad of what was happening and didnt know how to cope. He said so many hurtful things to me, and made it all into my fault.
I blame myself for so many things, because i know i could have done things differently. I just want him back right now.
I have left New Zealand and am now living with my sister and her family in Canada for 1 month (after this i dont know where to go in the world, i cannot go back to my home country, i will need to find a job somewhere). I had to leave New Zealand because I could not survive in NZ on my own with not enough money and no friends. I feel so lonely, and i want to get back together with him because i know that we can work through it if we tried. But he clearly doesnt. He has cut me off like a cancer tumor. Just removed every piece of me from his life, deleted me, blocked me and locked me off. All his freinds have nothing to do with me and i feel as though I am a total reject.
How do i stop wanting to be with him again? How do i forget about working it out? How do i convince myself that he is not the one for me? How do i just forget him?
Everyday i dream that he will feel regret dumping me and come back one day. Everyday i feel as though he will come around. But my rational thought tells me that i know him well enough to know that once he makes his mind up he never regrets. Even if he thinks he could have made a wrong choice, he will never return back to that mistake. He always sticks to his decisions and lives the outcomes. This is his nature.
My brain knows that i have nothing to go back to with him. My heart cannot accept this. We were suppsed to get married. I just want a do over.
Please help me to move past this and start afresh. It has been 2 months since i was kicked out.