Hi, my name is Nikki. I normally only lurk here, but I desperately need advice right now.
My problem is my brother. Although I love him very much and he seems to be a very fine person in so many ways, unfortunately over the past couple months I’ve come to the painful conclusion that he is sexually deviant and I’m not sure what to do about it. It came as a total shock to me, and I never would have suspected it, but eventually I couldn’t deny it. I mean, you’d never know it, or even suspect it, unless you lived with him for awhile. He seems so very ‘straight’ and ‘clean cut’. He’s nice to everyone, polite, gets good grades, and is very mature and responsible. He’s even very religious and goes to church every Sunday, he even talked all of us into going with him. He teaches Bible study on Wednesdays. He even volunteers at a homeless shelter occassionally. But after observing him closely the past couple months, and after a few ‘incidents’ happened, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s probably a pedophile, that he’s into young girls, and after the last ‘incident’ I even fear that our sister could be in danger of him. But I’m not sure what to do about it, other than to report it to the police, which I don’t want to do because he really crossed the line this time and I fear he’d really get into trouble over this, maybe even go to prison and be labeled a sex offender, which would ruin his life. I don’t want to do that but I’m really afraid for my sister and don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried confronting him about it but he denies everything and makes excuses, and there’s no way he’ll ever voluntarily seek counseling on this. And our mother is dying of cancer and there’s no way I’d tell her about this at this point. Our father is a jerk and lives in California, so no help there either. But I’ve confided in a friend and she says I should go to the police immediately.
So I guess I would like some opinions on this. Because once I turn him in there’s no going back, and I love him very much and don’t want to see his life ruined forever. But I’d also want to kill myself if he did anything to our little sister. So I guess my question is at what point does it become the right thing to do --- to turn in a loved one to the police in order to protect another? Because I want to make sure I’m not overreacting and there are no other options. I mean, he’s already crossed some ‘red lines’, but enough to actually go to the police over? I don’t know. All I know is that this situation is killing me and I don’t know what to do...