This is my first time doing anything like this. I need help. long story short... Had affair, got caught after a year, affair started up again a few months later... From start to last week it's been a little over a 4 year affair. We've attempted "breaks". We both go back to each other. When we got caught I called his wife to apologize, she asked questions, I answered them honestly. My husband was deviststed. The man I was having an affair with would would love me one minute then hate me another. When he was angry he would completely ruin me. He would say he hated me and belittle me for talking to his wife.... And it when on until the next day he would apologize. Anyway that's been how its been. Every other week his episodes would come. Now he just bailed said hes over it, hates women, says they are the devil and are only good for one thing. He even says this about his wife. I'm a Mess. He ruined me. I email him all the time with stupid feel sorry for me emails. Please help me know how to not do this and have self respect and dignity and leave, not stalk and please help me forget.