I have always been an optimistic person. In fact, I hate negativity. But years of let downs and mistakes of my own has taken its toll on me and I guess I just need to vent. There are too many voids in my life!
There are the voids of my past. The things that are gone, some forgotten, and some I wish I could literally void out of my mind but can’t.
Then there are the voids of the present, the vast & empty voids that are pulling me under. Wanting someone I can’t have and not loving or being loved. Naturally I have family that I love and love me but it’s not the same as being in love. Having someone to hug & kiss good morning & goodnight or to share special times with.
And then there is the future, I can’t even imagine my life will be any different than it is now. And since it is unknown and non-existant it may as well be a void too.
Just one big void of a life. It makes it very hard to get out of bed every day. I feel trapped and alone, and I’m scared. Scared that the best days of my life are gone and that what I have now is all I ever will have. I am 52 years old and am more than likely going to die alone.