Hi everyone. I am new here. Seems I am in an emotional pickle for no reason and wanted to reach out to you all for your opinions / observations / reality checks. Bear with me ... post a bit - longish.
I am married to a truly amazing man whom I adore, and who adores me. Clearly, there is something missing as I decided to embark upon what I thought would turn into an affair, but what now looks like an extended one-night stand.
I met my "AP" about two years ago. He came to the country where I work on an assignment and called to introduce himself as I'm kind of the country manager. It was instant attraction over the phone. A few days later we had to physically work on a project together so we ended up meeting -- sparks flew. However, no one made a move, and I chalked it up to disinterest on his part. I soon learned his very longtime GF (common-law wife) was pregnant at the time and that's what kept him away at the time. (He now has a 1.5 year old daughter.) He's 35, I am 38.
Text messaging and emails followed, a friendship grew. At first for several months, very PG. Then they got overtly flirty, sexy. He was here several more times but we never saw each other -- probably because neither one of us made the effort. This summer he was here again and we worked side by side day and night -- we crossed paths, but he was on the night shift, me on days, so no "quality" time really at all other than the social outings with coworkers.
Then came August. Again, he was here. And this time what had become somewhat inevitable happened and we ended up in bed. He had to move to a different city (but still the same country) the next day so communication continued via text. We then made plans for me to fly down to see him. Spent an amazing 24 hours together, mostly in bed, but also some good conversation and "friendly" time.
That was kind of it. He did keep in touch after our second rendez-vous but did not make an effort to see me before he left to go home to his country. He could have, but didn't. Once he left, I didn't hear from him for a week until I get an email saying that his GF found out about us when she saw some of our (R-rated) text messages the day he got back. I was mortified of course but felt relieved in a way because it explained why he hadn't reached out. We emailed a bit that day and then silence until I received a call from him a few days later. I missed it, so I called him back the next day but this time he didn't pick up. A few days after that, he wrote me a one-line email referring to an article I had written and made reference to the hotel where we had our first tryst. Kind of a reminder of sorts of his existence.
It has now been almost a month since our last encounter and no worthwhile communication. I have, on the surface, been keeping calm, not initiating contact or demanding any explanations. But, I am so hurt. I feel used. I feel angry, even.
Is keeping a low-profile common after a spouse finds out? Or is this a case of "he's just that not into you"? I feel there's more to it than just a one-night stand, but this silence is killing me, and I find myself trying to focus on the anger so I can get this guy off my mind. In case you're wondering, we did not talk about where we wanted this to go but he did say one night "I wonder if this will be one of those affairs that will last for years."
I have no intention of leaving my husband nor do I think he wants to leave his wife / GF. But I would like the affair to continue. Even though we live in different countries, we're only 1 hour apart and his assignments over here are frequent -- don't know when the next one will be. January probably.
So, what do you think is going on? Potential for this to go on, or does it sounds like this guy was in it for the adventure while he was traveling?
Thank you in advance for all comments and advice.