Please don't judge me. I need help to sort out my feelings. I'm so NEW to having an affair. I can't even believe I'm carrying one because I've never thought of this for a million years! But, I'm happy and excited when I'm with him.
I have been with my husband since I was 19 years old. We have been together for the past 19 years! Half of my life! I'm so tired of running the whole household...I even fix things in the house- electrical, toilet, yard work, etc. because he is just incapable! I used to have more patience before when we didn't have 2 children...but, I'm drained, worn out, exhausted! I handle everything! Literarily, everything! I even have to book his haircut so he could have a decent look...but, I'm tired of him not stepping up as a husband. He is so dependent on me! I need an actual husband! We have grown far apart! I don't find him attractive anymore...he's put on 80 lbs extra since I married him. He doesn't excercise, eats bad, and let himself go..,I'm no longer attractive to him. I don't even see myself having sex with him.,,it's been a year and a half...I don't miss it and I'm content without sleeping with him. We don't even share a bed anymore since our 1st child was born-6 years ago. We're just housemates now.
Two months ago, I got curious and discovered a website to meet other attached males. I found a man almost 7 years younger than me. We connected and admitted we've fallen for each other. He was the first to admit it...I was just going to have a casual affair, but I've let him in emotionally after he said he has fallen for me. We said ' I love You's', which he said it first.My problem is, we used to see each other 2x a week, talk on the phone every single day multiple times for hours, now, we only get to see each other once a week or every other week, and he even cuts down on the time. When we talk on the phone, it's now 15 mins max instead of 3-4 hours that we used to do. He also has been omitting Sundays to call me and make excuses that his wife's family is in his house. I notice the difference, but I don't want to discuss it with him because he might think in too much, too clingy. My problem is, it hurts me when he doesn't call and I'm wondering if he's slowly distancing himself...but, still constantly tells me he loves me. I'm in such a roller coaster emotional ride right now. I'm happy when we communicate, but the lenght and depth is no longer the same. I asked him last 3 days ago where we heading to and he said he can't predict the future, we could be together for another week, months, 10 years, 20 years. I know he tells me I sooth him, it's one part why he loves me. But, I want to know what's a normal affair, what to expect, or not to expect. Does anyone have an advice on how to train myself to not expect too much from him? I want this relationship to last for a long long time...I need advice on how I could keep it long-term. How could I stop myself from falling deeper with him so I don't get hurt when he's done with me? How do I prepare myself from such heartache?