Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE Having a hard time with this situation, but I kindly ask everyone if you are going to give me advice, please don’t be harsh.
So, I became friends with this girl last year, we are both married and we clicked instantly. We eventually had a double date with our husband’s and they also hit it off instantly. I thought I found a “perfect” friend, because so many disappointments for me in the past.
We ALL had a lot in common, from views on life, politics, we are all Atheists, etc. My friend and I would hang out pretty much every weekend, text/call regularly, etc.
Then in June of 2013 when I noticed things just started to change. She was all of a sudden just flaky, cancelling on me a lot, not responding to texts, etc. From past experiences with friends, I tried not to let this get to me.
But I noticed a LOT of strange things, like for my birthday in June she got me a “used” gift, it was a perfume that she re-gifted to me (I later on found out about this), then when I invited her to my house for DIY Spa Night, she showed up with rotten fruits that she just grabbed out of her fridge at home, because she claimed she didn’t have time to run to the supermarket to pick up a fruit basket, that we agreed on she would bring.
Then every time we hung out she was either “tired”, like repeatedly yawning in my face, and she always seemed to have a “migraine”.
But all and all, I tried NOT to let this phase me, even though I really thought she was just starting to change and not the same cool chick I met a year ago. I know she takes a lot of medication, which makes her moods swing and sometimes unpredictable.
In the meantime, her husband and mine also have been hanging out a lot on their own, like going to bars to see MMA fights on TV, Mountain Biking, etc.
On Halloween we were all supposed to hang out and go to this party, but my husband decided to cancel, cuz it was supposed to rain that night and he didn’t feel like going out. So, of course I took the initiative and texted my girlfriend and letting her know we can’t make it. She really didn’t seem sad at all. As a matter of fact, her and her husband proceeded to go to the party without us and even invited her co-workers and they had a blast and then the next day she bragged in my face what a great time we missed.
Like a week later we were supposed to have a double-date and I came down with a cold. I called her and left her a message that we can’t make it and not only she totally IGNORED my message, but she totally just ended the friendship without any explanation.
Yet, I lost count as to how many times she cancelled on me and I would never just not talk to her after that.
And from past experiences with her, because this is not the first time she acted this way, so I know her way of dealing with situations is that she just ignores you. In June we had a fall-out when she was running an hour late for a double-date, than she called me again saying how her cat is now sick and they are taking her to the ER, so I told her that we can just postpone and that it’s OK if she needed to take care of things, I would not be upset, but in the end she blamed me why I don’t wanna see her, etc. WOW!
And of course, she gave me the silent treatment after that too and me, being the concerned friend, I texted/called her for an entire month asking her if everything was OK, how her cat was doing, because she seemed distant and just overall pretty much has been flaking out on me since June, cancelling left and right and then I later would find out how she started hanging with her co-workers on a weekly basis and she sure didn’t seem tired with her friends or have migraines. Oh, she also got a promotion at work, she became a manager, so I kinda felt she all of a sudden felt above me.
Now, the thing that MOST upsets me about all this, is that when we cancelled the double-date on them, she obviously decided to pull the plug on our friendship, which I find VERY childish, but like I said, that’s how she deals with things, just very childish. But her husband and my husband continue hanging out every weekend, like nothing ever happened. And I feel like I got the short end of the stick in this, when the 3 of them act like nothing ever happened now. My husband has been over at their house several times since, she even said hangs out with him, drinking, laughing like buddy buddies, she would hang out with her “new” girlfriend and act like nothing ever happened and like I don’t even exist anymore. And none of them even bring up how this isn’t right, why she just put the blame on me entirely, why her husband doesn’t even ask my husband what the hell is wrong, NO, they just pretend that I don’t even exist now.
Now, my husband is known NEVER to stand up for me. He is the kinda guy who wears the skirt in our relationship, which has got me upset many times, but obviously he has no balls to stand up for me, and he never will, but that’s another story.
Oh, he did tell me how he felt “weird” being there without me, when in the past the 4 of us were the one hanging out at their house, but now I am the one who is blamed here, while the 3 of them act like NOTHING ever happened. Her husband isn’t mad at my husband at all, as a matter of fact the guys didn’t even bring up about the double-date being cancelled, guys just don’t cause drama with this. But my girlfriend just ruined the whole friendship now for all of us and with NO explanation at all.
Don’t get me wrong, after all this, I never wanna see/speak to her again, I just think that her husband and my husband are rather inconsiderate and how neither of them even asked about the whole situation.
I know I could have called her, but honestly, I did that every time when she acted this way and I am tired of being the one to always make that first move. That’s not how a friendship is supposed to be when only ONE person makes all the effort all the time. And obviously if I don’t make the first move, she doesn’t give a damn.
So, now we are in the situation with my husband that he still wants to hang with her husband, go over to their house and they all act like the happy family and not once they even brought up why I am being blamed here for everything and I actually am upset at my husband for that too.