I met a man at work unexpectedly two and a half years ago. There was great chemistry between us and we were both very attracted to each other. I was single and he was married. I didn’t know he was married in the beginning. I found out after I gave him my phone number and he called me and we spoke on the phone for the first time. I chose to continue talking to him because I liked him so much and he felt the same way about me. I knew I would be entering an affair that would have to be kept secret, but I didn’t want to walk away even though I knew that would have been the noble thing to do. I felt confident no one would find out and so far no one has.
Our affair began...it’s an EA mostly. He is tied down to his family and work and because of this we got together in person four times outside of work in two and a half years. I don’t see him at work anymore because he left for another job soon after we met. We’ve had sex three times and each time was unfulfilling for me. It’s not really about sex. I am not in love with him because I have not spent much time with him in person to fall in love. I consider him a friend…one who I catch up with every so often. I am still attracted to him and still feel the desire to talk to him, be with him, and to just get to know him better as time goes on. It’s hard to really get to know him though when we can’t be together in person.
Eight months after I met MM…I ended up meeting a great, single man. Things started off slow between us, but six months after I met SM we began an exclusive relationship and we have been living together for almost seven months now. Things are really good and I am genuinely happy. However, I think about MM a lot. I did tell MM a long time ago that I was feeling guilty for cheating on my boyfriend. Since then the contact between us has diminished, but it’s still there. The sad thing about this situation is that I do not want to end contact…even though I now have this amazing life with this amazing man. I do feel guilty at times, but only at times…
I have stopped doing certain things that I used to do with MM…like I won’t be the first to reach out to him anymore, I won’t insinuate anything anymore, and I won’t call him names like Sexy anymore.
I do miss him terribly. I miss the way we made each other feel. This is going back to two and a half years ago when things were exciting when we first met and we would see each other at work. I never got to know him the way I wanted to. We never had the chance. And even with a new man in my life now…my feelings haven’t changed.
I just have to bend my head over and plow through this. I hope this board will be with me along the way. I don’t know how long MM will be in my life, even if it’s a very little part of my life…which feels so much bigger.