My story is very similar to everyone's here. I was able to conceive naturally with my DD at 40 and then suffered two non-viable pregnancies after that. We turned to IVF shortly afterward to find the "golden egg". First IVF failed and the 2nd one worked but we had to terminate the pregnancy after learning that the baby's health was severely compromised at the 20 week ultrasound.
So now at 43, (44 in July), we are considering DE. Part of me is still hopeful that we can get pregnant naturally, but realize it's unlikley that it will go full term. Another IVF cycle does not seem like the best use of our time and money at this point.
We looked into adoption but found that it would take a long time and the cost was not that much less than a DE cycle. Then I read an essay in the NY Times this weekend about a woman who gave up her son for an open adoption. Her description of how painful and difficult it was to give him up sealed the deal for me. I don't think I could take a woman's baby away from her.
I am concerned about my family's reaction if we go this route. THey are fairly traditional, and all very fertile. Both my sister and brother have 3 kids each, but granted they started in their later 20s. I'm nervous that my parents, and siblings/nieces/nephews, would treat this child differently.I'm also worried about the psychological effect using a DE will have on the child.
It's really important to me to have a bigger family, and to give my DD a sibling.
Anyone have any thoughts or advice? I would probably use the same clinic I did my IVF at here in Colorado. It's one of the top (and probably, unfortunately, most expensive) clinics