I'm totally turning into someone I don't even recognize anymore.
AF is playing hide and go seek with me and its driving me crazy. I tested and got a BFN so I know that she is on her way, its CD29 and my cycles are like clockwork. I just want her to show up so that I can freakin' move on. The anniversary of my miscarriage is only 2 weeks away, its been a year.
I'm so angry. I'm mad that I am still "broken" a year later. Esp since the BFP was a surprise natural BFP. I thought I could do it again. I'm mad that every person I provide 1:1 support gets pregnant and I don't. I'm mad that just about every person who had a loss around the same time I did is now expecting. I'm mad that my family is emotionally unavailable and act like they don't care about what I am going through. I'm mad that I'm 31 and all my peers have families. I'm mad that the second I log into my FB page I'm greeted with pics of my friends belly (4th pregnancy, each pregnancy by a different man). I seriously want to throw myself onto the ground and have a good old fashioned fuss-fit like a 2 year old.
Me(31) DH(39) TTC #1 since 9/2006. TTC with unexplained infertility and MFI. With RE since 12/07 but only started pursuing treatments since 6/09. 1st ever +HPT on 1/8/09, beta confirms pg 1/12/09 but M/C 1/13/09. Oct 2009 Clomid100mg/IUI cycle=BFN. This cycle: still delayed...somethings always up in the air.