I just found this board. I usually write on the relationship boards. I have low self-esteem. I have had it since I was old enough to recognize what it was. I am 27 years an African-American woman (doesn't mean anything about race...but some things I say later will be clear). I am a single mom of two girls (6 and 3) I own my own home, I have a BS in managment and am an Office Manager at a Public Relations agency. I am going back to school in April to pursue my MBA. With all of that I still feel worthless. Like no one wants to be around me, I feel that I am boring. I don't go out. (partly because I am a mother) I go to bed with my girls (8:30) even on weekends. I feel pathetic. But sometimes I love my life. I like the comfort of my home. I like being inside. But sometimes I want to go out. I don't have any friends here. My friends are form HS and college and they are all out of state. I do have a boyfriend. Which in itself is a problem. I think he is the reason why I recognize my low self-esteem again. He is so confident and conceited whereas I am the opposite. He doens't take me anywhere, hs says I don't know how to have fun. He drinks and smokes (not weed but black and milds) I do neither. I know I shouldn't be with him but I can't seem to leave, every time I do I always come back. In any case, I thought about suicide, at first I didn't because I thought about hell (when I was younger) now that I am older I think about it but I don't do it because of my girls. I am all they have. I promise you people they are the only reason I am alive. When I got pregnant with my first I always wondered why? this wasn't how my life was supposed to be. But now I look back and in my own perception I believe it happenened because of my suicidal thoughts. Their fathers; well one is there emothionall but can't do anything financially the other well he is just not in the picture, so I am all they have. In any case, I need someone to talk to, but I don't have "extra" money for a therapist and like I said I don't have any friends where I am. My boyfriend is no help, he can feel my low self-esteem and he would just play on it more if I "told" him how I felt. He will call me crazy; and reall mean it. Now let me say not all the time do I feel downtrodden but I get in these moods alot. I am a very attractive girl, I can look in the mirror one day and say "you look good", but the next day I say "you look horrible" I can walk down the street and have men try to talk to me. Sorry this is long......I had a breast reduction in 2000 because I hated the way men looked at me and their remarks. I wear (or used to, just getting out of it) big clothes because I did not want the attention. Anyway that's me in a nutshell. I will post and try to repsond to others...one more thing I "give" great advice and can boost people up. but I can't seem to do it for myself...so don't consider me a hypocrite. thanks for reading