So you know how I have been struggling big time over the last few months.
I went to see my T last week, I felt like the therapy wasn't working that maybe we were a bad fit now and she didn't understand.
We talked and I told her about the desperate moments (not about anything else) and how I had no coping strategies etc.
I said I feel like I am in a big black hole in those times, like I am walking through mud and I am completely alone and that feeling was like an emptiness, an imbalance in my soul, she then put her hand out to me and said she would help pull me out of the mud.
That's when I stood up and asked her to hug me and wow did I bawl, I cried and cried like a child.
It was the closest I have ever been to anyone emotionally, I was totally vulnerable and I was depending on her to hold me up and be there for me.
Afterwards I felt awkward and uncomfortable but that because not used to it, I have hugged people before but almost like there was always an invisible barrier there.
It has pushed me forward somewhat, the painful fear and anxiety is not as bad as it was, it feels like a bit of sunshine has come into my heart.