Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here and I just wanted some advice. I'm 25 and I was molested by my father when I was 14-18 years old and my senior year of high school I was almost raped by my first boyfriend. For along time I've tried to put the memories in the back of my mind and kinda pretend like it never happened but lately I feel as a result of that my life has been spinning out of control. I drink alcohol constantly because that's the only method I know to help me when the memories come back or when I have a dream about having sex with my father. All my relationships suffer because im drunk all the time, I'm having sex with my boyfriends because I feel like that's going to make them love me for more but they just end up disappearing on me. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to end everything because I hate having these feelings. I wish I could forget everything that's happened to me and just be happy. I don't have anyone to talk to because I have no friends and if I mention anything to my boyfriends or I should say ex-boyfriends, they think im making it up.